


Thoughts of a Monster

by choppercore



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character Study, Developing Friendships, Friendship, i'll probably do more characters later lol, idk i think abt chopper a lot, idk what 2 tag this as its mostly me spitballing, ig??? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26980000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choppercore/pseuds/choppercore
Summary: Chopper, now aboard the Merry, tries to find where he fits in among the crew of brave and brash pirates, gaining reassurance that he does, in fact, belong.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro & Tony Tony Chopper, Tony Tony Chopper & Usopp
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	Thoughts of a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> HI first fic i post on this account and its mostly thought pieces with some scenes and dialogue lol. i am much more adept at comic scripting than I am at writing fanfic so apologies if it's subpar ahaha

_ A creature of solitude. _ No.  _ A beast that preferred the quiet of being alone. _ No, that’s not it either.

There were no real words to describe Chopper, at least none that he could find. He was complex for such a small thing. Just half an inch shy of three feet in height, he was easy to underestimate. He was thankful that it wouldn’t be a consistent issue with this new crew he was so suddenly thrust into, however many times he would still be faced with joking microaggressions due to his stature.

It’s not like he wasn’t used to them, at this point. Kureha was no stranger to hurling insults when he would make mistakes. Chopper wanted to think of her as a mother, but her tough love and severe attitude was far different than the treatment he received from Hiriluk. Of course, Hiriluk was far from a father figure himself. Fathers and mothers don’t run their children out of the house once they feel they’re done caring for them. And even when Chopper begged to be let back in, he had to prove it to them that he was deserving of it. With Hiriluk, it was only once. With Kureha it seemed like every other week he had to convince her that he was worthy of staying. And after a while, he had to convince himself as well.

Convincing himself only grew harder with each rejection.

Rejection was something Chopper figured he just… had to get used to. He was rejected from his birth family, rejected from humans, rejected from the only homes he really had. No matter how sweet he was nor how hard he tried, it was all he found. Calling himself a monster became his reason. Yes, that’s it, the reason no one wants him to stay is because he’s a monster. Not a man, nor a reindeer. Something else, something worse, some terrible, awful mixture of the two. That’s why no one wanted him except Kureha. That is, until Luffy showed up.

Luffy confounded Chopper, defied all the protections Chopper created for himself, broke down all of his walls like a giant rubber wrecking ball. Having someone so quickly accept him and see potential in him was jarring. His being a monster was why he was on this wacky crew in the first place. His being a doctor came afterwards. Chopper would often wonder if he would’ve preferred his medical prowess being the reason as opposed to his shapeshifting abilities.

The few months of travelling after leaving Drum Kingdom left Chopper in a state of distress. It was quiet, not very noticeable distress, but distress all the same. He wanted to say he got used to the way things worked quickly, but that would’ve been a lie, and he’s a terrible liar. In fact, it was much the opposite. Chopper couldn’t quite find the square hole he could fit into. He would check in on the crew occasionally, making sure they acclimated from the freezing Drum weather back to sunny ocean temperatures properly and without issue, especially Nami, but Kureha did most of the work on her already. Besides the occasional boo-boo that needed a quick bandage, he was out of work most of the time, effectively useless as a crewmember he was sure.

But where he found no use in himself he would find use from others.

Whether that be sitting and holding tools for Usopp as he did repairs (where most aforementioned ouches happened), helping Nami count treasure which he wasn’t allowed to touch, or watching Zoro’s belongings as he trained, anything worked for him. Often he would beg Sanji to let him help in the kitchen to which Sanji would task him with “Luffy duty” which mostly consisted of sitting outside of the kitchen to prevent Luffy from entering. Chopper had his suspicions that Sanji merely made up this position to distract him, but he took it seriously anyway.

That was another issue Chopper faced. The way he was so eager to help that others would give him some fake task to complete. It reeked of condescension. Chopper was a child, he wasn’t immune to his naivety and gullibility, but he could tell when someone was playing a joke on him. He was, however, cursed with a forgiving heart, and would fall for the joke every time. With each little task that became part of his routine when there were no injuries or illnesses to report, it seemed Chopper was finding that square hole he fit into. It was forced, having to chip at the shape to get it just right, but it was his place to belong nonetheless.

It was less about belonging, anyway. It was about giving them a reason he could stay. If he couldn’t convince himself anymore he had to convince everyone else.

He had to.

Part of him wanted to ask about it. At the table where he was just at nose height with the food in front of him. Between plates being passed and food being grabbed, pipe up his little voice. “You guys won’t throw me out, right?” He knew the answer, of course, a cacophony of “no”s and “of course not”s to spare his feelings and reassure him as one would reassure a child. He was a child, of course, but Chopper was smarter. Such a heavy question to him didn’t feel right just staying at the table. It was personal. And the very idea of him possibly getting tossed out was enough to make him want to hide.

But he couldn’t hide. There was no tall castle spire to hide on, no snow to make unstable igloos that eventually fell on your head. There were very few places he could truly isolate himself, not that he would allow that of himself anyway.

“I’m a doctor!” he would tell himself. “I have to be here for them.”

Convincing himself was getting difficult again, but he had to. Luffy believed in him. And if Luffy could believe in a monster, so could he.

* * *

The question was on Chopper’s mind frequently. “You guys won’t throw me out, right?” It beat around his skull with its nauseating redundancy. Throughout his daily tasks it was all he could think about. Sitting outside of the kitchen, waiting for a rambunctious Luffy to keep from entering. Between each wave he watched crash against the side of the Merry while Zoro trained in the crow’s nest. Toolbox between his hooves as he watched Usopp hammer down planks, distractedly telling him some story of grandeur.

Which quickly turned into the popping sound of a metal first aid kit opening.

Usopp grumbled quietly as Chopper dabbed some alcohol onto a cotton ball.

“Ok, Usopp,” Chopper’s little voice said. “This is-”

“Gonna sting, I know.” Usopp cut him off before hissing in a breath through his teeth as alcohol and cotton made contact with the scratch from a nail. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I know.” Chopper replied, seriousness in his tone. Even with a little high pitched voice he could sound serious. “I still want to warn you in case you forget.”

Usopp snorted, pounding a fist to his chest. “Oh please, scratches and bumps are nothing compared to the wounds I’ve received from my many heroic battles! I once fought a million men with my bare hands and won! I could show you my scars but I don’t think your little eyes are prepared.”

As Chopper wrapped a bandage around Usopp’s scratch, he wondered if Usopp told the same stories to anyone else with the same tone. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, Usopp’s stories were fun. But it felt like he was getting talked down to.

“All done.” Chopper said simply, closing his first aid kit. “Take it easy on your hands for a day.”

Usopp sighed, watching a spot of blood slowly grow on the patch.

There was silence as Usopp stood to leave the makeshift infirmary on the Merry, but Chopper found himself speaking before thinking.

“You guys won’t throw me out, right?” He winced, his ears flattening.

Usopp was surprised, to say the very least. And for someone so skilled in knowing just what to say, he didn’t really have the words in that moment to reassure the little reindeer. He could give a half-hearted “don’t be silly, of course not” but that’s not what Chopper seemed to be asking for. Chopper had only been with them a few months, it was hard to tell where the future lay, if something were to happen and Chopper would have to go. He hoped not, he liked the little guy. And… and some small part of him understood Chopper’s concerns.

He walked forward, his newly bandaged hand reaching out to gently pat Chopper’s head (well, his hat, but it was pretty much his head.) “No. Don’t worry about that. You’re our doctor! Who else is gonna keep bandaging me when I mess up?”

Chopper smiled sheepishly, and Usopp smiled back.

The pat and the words were reassuring. Chopper felt his little heart grow warm.

Chopper and Usopp were alike in more ways than either of them knew or realized. The feelings of being helpless and scared, useless despite their abilities. They were both strong in ways that neither of them truly accepted, probably because they didn’t know how. In time they’d confide in each other this, but until then their kinship would be in the little things. Usopp was bound to find himself injured again, and Chopper would be right there to assist.

* * *

  
  


Zoro was harder to talk to than Usopp. Zoro seemed laser focused on whatever he was doing, towards a goal that he would meet to the bitter end. He seemed like the kind where the end justifies the means. He intimidated Chopper, but Chopper was intrigued by him all the same. He looked up to him and his strength the same way a kid brother would his elder.

Zoro had once again tasked the reindeer to watch his stuff as he trained, his stuff being his clothes, assorted smaller weights and his swords, which Chopper wasn’t allowed to touch. There were many things on the Merry that Chopper wasn’t allowed to touch.

The question from before resurfaced in Chopper’s mind. He took a breath, ready to ask Zoro, but exhaled. What would Zoro say? Zoro was not one to spare feelings. Chopper was grateful for that, tone and speech patterns often confusing him, but he wasn’t sure if Zoro’s response would be what he needed to hear. Chopper wanted a direct answer, but was terrified of the pain his honesty could bring. Chopper had to pick his priorities if he was going to ask. Did he want the answer straight? Or live in fear of the truth?

“You’re upset.” Zoro said suddenly.

Chopper nearly choked, being startled back to reality. “What?”

“Your ears wiggle when you’re upset.”

Chopper never noticed, a tentative hoof moving to touch one of his twitching ears.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Oh.” Chopper averted his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

Chopper remembered again just how blunt Zoro was.

“Okay, fine. I’m just thinking.”

Zoro was silent, as if he was satisfied with that answer. For all Chopper knew, he was.

The silence was nearly deafening before Chopper spoke up again.

“You guys won’t throw me out, right?” The same question he asked Usopp.

“Don’t be stupid.” Zoro responded rather quickly, grunting as he set his equipment down. “We just got you. Why would we throw you out?”

Chopper sat in that for a bit. A million answers ran through his mind, but none would roll off his tongue like he needed them to.

“Luffy may be reckless, but he didn’t ask you to join for no reason.” Zoro’s tan hand ran through his hair, dripping with sweat. “Hand me my shirt back.”

Chopper tossed the garment over, Zoro managing to catch it, before drying his sweaty face off with it. “Thanks.” And that seemed to be the end of it, Zoro starting to pick himself back up to go down to the main deck once more.

Zoro was certainly confusing, his directness catching Chopper off guard, but in a way it was reassuring.

Chopper wished he could be Zoro, in some ways. Unbothered, fierce, confident. Zoro seemed to have all the qualities that Chopper desired in himself. Chopper also wanted the respect he had earned from the rest of the crew. It was clear that while they were all peers, Zoro was never underestimated or unappreciated. In fact, if he were in a fight, he would be left to it, expected to be able to handle it himself. Chopper didn’t usually get that luxury unless he was in heavy point. 

Chopper daydreamed a bit, thinking of how cool he would look with three swords, slashing villains at high speed, being cheered by his teammates--

“Chopper? You need help getting down?” Zoro’s voice came from below on the deck, snapping Chopper back down to earth.

Chopper looked at Zoro, processing the question, before meekly nodding. For a monster he sure was scared of heights.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I draw more often than I write, so follow me on Twitter: @choppercore!


End file.
